honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize