I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
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