so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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