ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Randomize
