its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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