omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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