I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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