just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
