She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
