Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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