Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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