I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
