but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Screwed.edu
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
