I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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