It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
