my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
