I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
