i just wanna soil my oats bro
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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