This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
