then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Randomize
