$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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