I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
