Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
