Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
