a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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