It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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