theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
