She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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