Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
