I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
