OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
3pm strippers are depressing
sick fucks of a feather flock together
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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