Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
