You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
