It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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