we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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