I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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