its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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