So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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