I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
