Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i think i have herpe
just one?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
