kristin has been a bad kristin
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
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