Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I'm always down for nudity.
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