he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
