I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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