What did we do last night that was yellow?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
