No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
