you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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