Just fell off a train. Bad.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
