angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
