im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
