Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
