My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
