I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Also, beer. Big fan.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
