my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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