I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
