I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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