Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
