cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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