I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
