I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
