is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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