I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
