Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
