I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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