I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
