Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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