Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
