His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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