Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
