I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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